guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
