you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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