The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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