There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
