she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
