You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
