K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
