The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
