Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
