it wasn't lemon gatorade
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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