nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
send nudes
from the living room?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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