i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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