He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Its about making memories worth repressing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
