Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
