Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
