My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
