you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
