Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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