she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
