I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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