I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
