Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
