I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sext me about skeletons
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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