just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
