Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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