My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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