After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
