Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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