Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
