I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
