How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
