before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
