I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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