I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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