haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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