At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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