im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
