see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
