lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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