just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
