Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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