...so i touched it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
