I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I'm really busy with my period
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