Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was CRYING into my vagina
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Alive.
So much puke
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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