This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
