yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
