my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
