I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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