i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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