Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
