Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
