no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
