nut hugger
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
