I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
